Ambushed by Barnyard Animals

It's Pro Wrestling Day here in Australia - otherwise known as election day

Not once but twice in one day was I provoked by the the retarded morons otherwise know as Barnyard Animals.

First thing this morning Madame Fast, myself and Hoolio took to the streets to have a pre-gym coffee (no sugar) and we had to walk the gauntlet of fucktards with placards urging me to vote for their respective stooges.

I felt a bit like Bernie Madoff on his way out of court as the retards jostled to shove their leaflets into my hand. I decided I’d play along with their fake election and spoke to a few of the dunces pretending that I had not made up my mind yet asking if their candidates supported a ban on the Covid vaccines. Each of them were initially bewildered (no doubt thinking I must be an idiot for asking such a dumb question) then responded that no their candidate did not support such a ban. My retort to each of them was that I would not therefore vote for their candidate so keep your flyer.

To one particularly irritating moron I said all politicians are liars - not a single one will follow through on any of their policies - noting the placards with messages claiming they’d stop inflation and fix the economy.

Perhaps I should run as an independent candidate, and drop a sign into the mix claiming I’ll put a Ferrari in every driveway and introduce a reverse income tax policy whereby the government supplements everyone’s income and nobody pays taxes. Perhaps I should just do that and not bother to register as a candidate adding some additional fakery to the charade - and because my promises are no less empty than theirs.

A couple of hours later I returned from the gym, slipped into the bathroom and shot a syringe of Stanozolol into my left hip. Instant Roid Rage - Fuck Yeah! I decided to have another go at the dunces so out the door I stormed straight towards the polling station.

An old bag and a Plough Hog younger woman (a plough hog is a descendent of the women that originally were imported into the colonies who were big and powerful enough to haul a 250kg plough through a paddock - their descendants inherited the big bones and powerful thighs but instead of pulling ploughs they instead plough into Doritos, KFC and Super Size Cola while watching reruns of American Idol from the comfort of the sofa) asked me if I am on my way to vote.

My initial thought was to say no, I am actually on my way to the Gent’s Club and waste the afternoon in a productive session involving lap dances in the private room fuelled by High Grade Bolivian Blow and a few tubs of proper Champagne.

Anyhow, I controlled my Tourette syndrome urge and instead I informed them I was not sure if I was planning to vote because I am seeking a candidate who supports a ban on Covid Vaccines. So far no luck - what about your candidate. The old bag decides she’s gonna lecture Fast Eddy and tells me how when she was young she got the Polio Vaccine and that saved her. Having zero respect for my elders - or for any barnyard animal - I let rip telling here that that was a 100 years ago … getting current, I regaled here with tales my many friends with severe injuries from the life-saving Covid vaccines. I informed her of my pro hockey friend whose career ended the day he took shot one because it blew his heart up. I informed the half dead scrawny skin bag that I did not shoot the life saving toxin and I got Covid - I am alive and kicking.

I don’t give a fuck if she is someone’s kind old granny - when it comes to offending barnyard animals nobody gets a pass. Old, young, tall, short, fat, skinny. NO-BODY.

The Plough Hog interceded and informed me that as an Australian citizen I must vote so it does not matter if any of the candidates are not supporting a ban on the vaccines. I let her know that this is yet another priceless policy of the Australian government - forcing everyone to vote. WTF is that? I reminded her that communist countries forced people to vote as well before letting her know that I ain’t an Australian citizen and will never be (see the reasons below) so nobody will be forcing me to do jack shit.

In all seriousness, I felt like beating the two smug cunts to death because nothing pisses me off more than a smug barnyard animal.

Alas, remembering that they are without a doubt multi-boosted (and on the Health Highway to Hell), I reigned in my violent impulses and after that Shock and Awe performance (that left the two morons in a state of shock and awe) I moved on towards the main group of morons - but not after informing the two dunces that they live in a clown world.

The second wave of barnyard animals pounced like rabid dogs shouting ‘are you going to vote are you going to vote?’ Speaking to 3 or 4 different party apparatchiks, I again loudly demanded, ‘which of thee stands for a ban on the Covid vaccines? Which of thee? Let me know and I shall vote for thee candidate’.

One of the old goats informs me that I’m out of luck and won’t find any party that supports that. I let them know that they could keep their flyers because I had no intention of voting for any political party that continues to support the death shots. Leaving a trail of disgust and carnage behind me, I exited The Scene and returned to my lair.

The amusing reality is that I entered Australia on a very specialized visa - as a NZ citizen, I am not taxed on income derived from overseas but at the ‘cost’ of not being able to vote or collect welfare benefits. Boo fucking hoo… I can’t vote and I can’t go on the dole. As long as my trash gets collected (and it does!)

Should I return and try to find out which political party enacted that most excellent policy and offer to vote for them? Oh damn… my bad… I am not allowed to vote (or pay much in the way of taxes). Now that would leave the morons steaming hahaha.

Never a dull moment.